|Saturday, August 4th, 2012|
|Tuesday, July 17th, 2012|
up the dose
How long how long
I need to write, and I can feel the willingness, the words unfurling inside. It was a punishment to go without, but forging something requires change, alterations, sometimes destruction.
It has been unspeakably paralyzing. It is time to tell these new stories. It is time to uncover the things people are capable of, as a reminder, and as a reference guide. How to do better/different the next time.
I'll be out of this emotional traction soon. Things, to come.
|Sunday, March 6th, 2011|
Some of the secrets we keep are because they're so awful that it seems speaking them out loud validates them, gives them life and weight. Condemning them to eternal silence allows us to maintain an illusion needed to maintain.
Current Mood: groggy
|Thursday, February 10th, 2011|
It's these terminal moments, when I am lucid and full of clarity, sinking back into the recesses of my past, dredging up my memories in an attempt to understand better or make better sense of some things, I see you there with me trying to help me navigate, my favorite moments were when we first were together and I would give anything to go back to them with you, and that you dominate my thoughts so, and always will, I realize that I was never happier than those days with you in this measurement of my life. And I know that you feel the same because we are connected still. I know your feelings just as you know mine. And I can see you in every imaginable outcome of the universe and the end, you and no one else. And there are words I'm missing right now as I elaborate my thoughts. But it is clear that we are irrevocably connected. And I am overcome with you.
Current Mood: peaceful
Crazy ugly neurotic twat
I don't even think about you, but you sure do think about me dontcha. Super classy of you to diarrhea in trade about stuff that's years old now. It's ok, I understand that you're pretty miserable, your projected unhappiness makes that clear.
Toodle-oo to you then, and enjoy having thoughts of me disrupt your life so hard, and hurt your butt so much.
|Monday, January 10th, 2011|
And listening to your soundtrack doesn't help.
I have dreams about fucking you. And they come with the calm detachment of knowing I could do it and not be hung up afterwards.
|Sunday, January 9th, 2011|
It isn't what I think it is.
Falling apart does not feel good.
Especially when there's no clear cause.
All I do is worry about what it could be and that makes it worse.
It's as though all her lies are manifest in me, I get to carry her dreams and desires unwillingly.
My body cannot carry her hollow scars, I am enough by myself to guide through the wasteland.
|Sunday, December 26th, 2010|
Just come steal these boxes.
Amidst the post day heap; kids are quiet, pleased. Kitchen is a minor wreck. The sink backed up. That it happened to be post peeling potatoes for mashed potatoes automatically means I am to blame, no matter the ensuing efforts revealing the hindrance is somewhere farther down that I've had opportunity to mangle yet.
When I reached for the mop to conquer the army of water approaching, I discovered the head was broken, ripped from it's attachment on the bottom so I can't wring it.
I'd just like to wash the dishes, and I'm about to commandeer the bathtub for this until the drain is solved.
I'm sick, some sinus garbage, post nasal drip so my throat is irritated. My head is balloony too.
I would like hot orange juice.
Current Mood: sick
|Tuesday, December 14th, 2010|
Ah blizzard i want to suck every last one of your sweaty muddy dicks. for all the times you've made me laugh so far with quests and references. Fuck Yeah.
|Friday, December 10th, 2010|
No. I don't.
When I said I was tired of disappointment and frustration, I meant don't bother anymore.
Because I wasn't going to get anywhere from what you were doing, and for you to tell me "well I didn't" isn't fucking consolation.
Stop doing it. If you don't give a fuck enough, then don't try.
|Thursday, December 2nd, 2010|
The sand collapses
Woke up from a bad dream, reached for someone who wasn't there.
It was one I'd had before, being pursued but with kids in tow. Previously, the dream had ended better. This time, not. It was a rough awakening.
|Tuesday, November 16th, 2010|
Enjoying tofu and fresca.
Fiction combination required: Vikings/Zombies
Current Mood: Tofu'd
|Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010|
I have a cunt of a virus I am currently fighting with and have a bucket of dick punches at my side if I ever find the bitches responsible for its creation.
Further into the beep boop side of things again than I ever intended.
I'm grateful that all the shitty political commercials are on hiatus for the time being. The serious face "Ah Won't Be A Rubber Stamp For Barack Obama" bullshit is fucking tired.
The Republicans begin their victory speech with "now is the time to roll up our sleeves and be serious business about things." Because now is different from every two years back? Somehow, years ago, unemployment and the economy and health care weren't serious business back then? They weren't valid issues and they didn't need handling? Oh wait, but this speech is the same as the one you gave before and before and before. Failed to pump my nads.
Followed by more rocket science dialogue where captain badatmath mentions how the repubs had 8 years to fuck it up, and then dems had two and didn't impress so back to the repubs? Because 2 years > 8?
I've mentioned it elsewhere, but it remains my current hide chap, where we are now wasn't caused by one man. It was a process of time and bad decisions and fuckery left unchallenged and unresolved. So for people to think that Obama or anyone can just sweep in and unfuck everything in a matter of one, two or four years is unrealistic. AND STUPID. And the lack of common sense, or patience in this regard means it won't matter who wins, those people will never be satisfied. The only thing that will sate them is "Herpy derp, mah boyz got elected, keepin it real in the house guize!" Not the backsliding or lack of progress or momentum.
That won't matter at fucking all.
Current Mood: peeved
|Wednesday, October 20th, 2010|
the immensity of fuck that i don't give
the only reason you illicit any interest is because i don't trust you and therefore any action you take is suspect.
other than that, i sleep, eat and fuck fine and you never cross my mind.
it's cute how you're trying to get the band back together. you will never have what you did once. and you pissed it away.
that's why things are the way they are now. keep telling yourself you're happy. i believe you.
|Tuesday, October 19th, 2010|
The calm inside me
Is full of these :3:3:3
Watching Fear Fest on AMC. Looking forward mostly to Walking Dead series.
Mad Men DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN. WAT.
Going to Martinsburg again, tomorrow. I told her about my interest in body piercing and was surprised how much I had to say about it, in that I had researched as much as I did, and even if it's not a realistic option for them, it was clear it was something I'm interested in.
Except for the part where I don't walk around with a bunch of metal in my face, because I'm only interested in a few pieces.
Valenween is comin and I don't know what we're gonna do. I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna keep trying for the HH mount and the ZG tiger till it's too effin late. Also, french dip sandwich recipe.
Current Mood: cheerful
|Saturday, October 9th, 2010|
Oh John. Your works were amazing, your message impeccable, you've never been forgotten, never dimmed.
God I wish you were here still to share your love.
I wasn't there to bear the initial grief, I am here to carry it on. Oh how I miss you.
|Tuesday, October 5th, 2010|
Bitches love me cause they know that I'm on time
Congruent to your insignificunt disbelief, fuck you.
I got 1 a trumpet. It's on a rent to own basis.
These new pills can go to hell. If I even smell that they are doing the same next month, I am throwing them out and going postal. (quotemeonthat)
This is bullshit, hurting this much. This fucking much.
I don't mind not being able to eat, but eventually that's going to cause other problems.
A trip to WV is motherfuckingdue and if you won't get the one I need, I will.
|Saturday, October 2nd, 2010|
listen all y'all, it's a sabotage
Started feeling better yesterday after a few days of emotional constipation. Then I worried that it might get too good and be a precursor to an anxiety attack.
After I brought the ladies home from school, I made pumpkin bread, Tiny Puppy was hurt by the bigger dog in a combination of events that caused her to flip out and go after the little dog.
She's ok, just her arm was swollen, and she was upset.
After I situated things I took the ladies to the mall as requested, and went to go get my hairs trimmed. Saw a sign for Aeropostale having a three day only sale and hoodies were 15 dollars. It was a perfect excuse to get the teal hoodie I wanted, and maybe a couple of shirts.
I had a few things picked out but became uncomfortable as I often do shopping for clothes, and put everything back and didn't buy anything. I walked out and looked for the haircut place and there was too much of a line so I went to leave and ran into the ladies. She begged me for more money to eat, had spent the first monies I gave her on a card and gift for me for my birthday (and some candy)
I didn't refuse, and sunk lower and returned home until it was time to come get them again.
this should be you, goddamnit. it should be you.
|Thursday, September 30th, 2010|
push buttan recieve fffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Push buttan, recieve spider.
stable spider to get echyakee
disappoint, not tamable
(was it because he was two levels higher than me?)
look for humarr
see ghost wolf
didn't bother to check if the fucking wolf was tamable.
look for fucking humarr
find, the rake.
he goes invisible
i remember when shy rotam was the mother fuckin shit and i hate that they nerfed it.
oh well, DONE WITH SPIDARS UNTIL I CAN GET TO GHOSTLANDS AND GET ONE OF THOSE HIDEOUS SPINDLY ONES.
they make my wrists tingle. they bother me that much that having one as a pet causes anxiety.
|Thursday, September 23rd, 2010|
Writer's Block: You and me and baby makes three
Do you think having children is a fundamental human right? Should there should be any restrictions?
No, I don't, and yes, there should be restrictions.
I don't know what the stats are of people who have kids because they genuinely want them and are trying to, vs people who just got knocked up.
Having sex is not a fundamental right, it's human nature/instinct, but try to have sex with someone who doesn't want to, or legally doesn't have the right to consent, and you're guilty of rape or assault.
There's no punishment for people who are emotionally, mentally, and financially irresponsible and unable to provide for a child.
A child isn't a pet, it's a project. You have to invest a serious amount of time, love, and all kinds of things in order to guide a child into becoming a great human being who can reciprocate, and then you still have to hope the child with this knowledge and experience makes the right choices.
But who is ultimately going to decide what sort of rules and regulations there would be?